HRT: an update
So, I've been on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) for four weeks now, and I'm starting to feel some changes. It's hard to explain, but this negative energy which has always lived inside me and drained me is dwindling. It's easier to ignore that pessimistic voice that always told me that I was worthless and that ignored the compliments and affection I receive from other people.
One of the really nice parts of this is that I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin, without a lot of the changes that I put on every morning to look more female. I went to work today without makeup, without my wig or anything else, because today I just feel comfortable in my skin, in my body. Some days, I feel more comfortable with my face done or long hair, but it's not something that I have to do every day to quiet the storm within. HRT is starting to do that for me. What matters most is that I feel comfortable however I choose to present that day.
I made the decision to present very femme when I first came out because I wanted people to instantly know that I am not a man. And even though I might look a bit like one on days like today, know that I am canonically *not* male. Some days, I'm super female. Some days, I'm a little bit more in between. It's still a fairly new experience for me, but the term "Genderfluid" really seems to fit with how I’m feeling on days like this. It's hard to explain, but I honestly don't know how I'm feeling until I wake up.
So, if you see me, and I look more masculine than I have been presenting as of late, know that it's a choice I've made and that I feel comfortable that day. I haven't detransitioned, my pronouns haven't changed, and I'm still Juliana.